Kicking the can down the road- The art of procrastination

In most instances, procrastination is the killer of dreams. and a major component of failure. There is however at least ONE situation where I can say that creative procrastination is the underlying factor in success.

In 1985 when I was 26 years old my life was a mess. People who knew me thought I was bright. Family, teachers and employers said I had promise and potential. I was a fall down drunk, with low self esteem, hell bent on destruction in complete denial. I was killing myself, sabotaging opportunities and obliterating relationships with family and friends. This saga began at the ripe old age of 12/13.

A few legal problems and court mandated counseling resulted in extreme pressure for me to attend 12 step recovery meetings for my alcoholism and drug use. I had lost my drivers license, job, place of residence, friends and was facing the potential loss of my freedom and future, so I reluctantly acquiesced with a cynical arrogance and false sense of superiority. My first few attempts were futile since I only had pity for the poor fools that were baring their souls, whining about the bad choices the made and drinking horrible coffee with a strange sense of gratitude.

It was March 9th of that year when a meeting I attended blasted through the concrete facade I had erected allowing to cold light of truth to permeate my being. The overwhelming dread that enveloped me was a level of fear I had previously never experienced. All at once I KNEW I was destined to die by my own choices and the only mercy would have been if it was sooner rather than later.

The fools that I had previously had pity and disdain for all came to my side with encouraging words of hope. Naturally I thanked them, but inside KNEW there was no way I would live my ENTIRE LIFE without ever drinking or using a drug again. That would be impossible and any attempt would be an exercise in futility so why kid myself. The cavalcade of meetings and diverse mix of stories I had heard up to that point had finally convinced me that one fact was undeniable and that was that I would never be able function in life if I drank. Knowing that any attempt would be short lived, I was panic stricken.

The elders and newbies alike all kept assuring me that I did not have think about life without drinking, just commit to today and let tomorrow take care of itself when it got there. That seemed reasonable, so I gave it a shot. When I hit the 90 day mark, my panic began to wane, and a bit of comfort and sense of calm crept in. In the back of mind, since I was working this deal 1 day at a time, I still KNEW that someday I would drink again. I began kicking that can down the road. I told myself, I would revisit my desire to drink after I was sober for 1 year.

Once I received the above coin, I thought to myslef that 3 years of this life would be tolerable. You see in 1988 I would turn 30. So that would be a good time to get back to living as a ” Regular Person”

March 9 2020
  • After that I chose to kick the can to 5 years, 1990
  • Then I kicked it to 1998 (lucky 13 years) because I would be 40 years old and that would be a good time to drink again, then
  • Of course Y2K 2000, what better time to pick up a nice aged single malt, 15 years sober
  • Then age 50 seemed to be a good target. I would be 23 years sober 2008
  • My next spot for the can was my 30th anniversary. 30 YEARS WITHOUT A DRINK IS MORE THAN ANYONE CAN BARE. 2015 AT AGE 56
  • Next, I figured at 60, I have proven myself to be a responsible adult, raised my kids, what’s to lose now? That was 33 years sober 2018.
  • Here I sit approaching 62 years old, 2 days away from my 35th anniversary without a drink or a drug of any kind

In two days, I will ad the 35 coin to my group. I bought a nice frame that will hold 50 that I can mount them and hang them on the wall. 35 years of tossing them in a drawer has been enough.

They say all good things will come in time. You know whats funny; I’m tired of kicking that beat up can. I believe I am the point where I can say with confidence:

“I’m done drinking, I gave it up”!

So I guess there is a time where procrastination is a real benefit.

One Day at a Time: But hey, the framed wall case only holds 50 coins. In 2035 I’ll be 87 years old then. Hmm, something to think about!

The Journey IS the DESTINATION.

About positivelyjohn

Philosopher/Poet/Writer/Author Seeker of truth & Meaning
This entry was posted in Spirituality. Bookmark the permalink.

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